31# Gabrielle...

31# Gabrielle...

I was damn tired today. Though i tried to concentrate during chem class, but somehow i still fell asleep in the class. I couldnt sleep well yesterday. Dreamt of something tat supposed to be good. I dreamt tat i got 2 a's... but...

When i was still sleepin in the class, suddenly i heard someone said "Oh my God..." and the everybody began to make noise. I could see wat's happenin... I saw Mr. Ananda came into our class with some papers with him. Well, it's time...

Everyone was so scared to accept the results from him. Once i got mine, i couldnt believe everything tat i've seen... What kind of results tat i got? Shud i be happy tat i din get a C for chem and the others though i predicted? Or shud i be sad tat i din even get a single A? I dun bother bout the "d" tat i got from Thinking Skills paper, well it doesnt matter...
But all i could see in my results paper was just a row of same alphabets...

When my frens asked me how was my result... i just joked to them tat I got straight C for trial, straight B for AS final, and i shall get straight A for A2...
Well, at tat time i din noe tat i shall not make such kind of jokes.
Bcoz most of my frens were not happy with their results...
They went tuition, dropped subject.... but in the end, things are not as expected.

I noe i'm not supposed to be sad, bcoz i'm damn lucky to get such results.
I understand. I'm a weak student, from low educated schs, and weak in english.
Furthermore, I'm too lazy to go for tuitions...
But the results tat i got is really a miracle for me...
Though it's not a very good grade, but it appeared to happen wat did i got in trials and SPM.
Trials i got straight C, SPM i got A1 for chem phy math addmaths eng...
And now... straight again... though it's not A. but luckily there's no C...

I din noe how to convince my frens...
they were so sad and i couldnt give any advice for them bcoz i din scored as well...
I'm just a lil bit lucky... actually i also couldnt believe i'll get such results...

Chem... my sister said it's neccesary to re-sit if i dun get an A for it...
bcoz AS's chem is just a basic, once i entered A2, AS lessons will be very easy.
According to her, all of her frens who re-sit AS for chem got A in the end...
well, i need to consult my chem lecture i think...
But she said for a B, it's not neccesary to re-sit, even a C also.
So... sigh.

During the year in 2004, i suffered a lot.
From a person who suck in eng, now i am able to speak to the others.
From a low class gangster secondary sch, now i'm exposed to the supremes.
From being an excellent student in secondary, now i noe how difficult is the word in CAL...
Takin 4 subjects is really an act of suicide, but somehow i did it...
and the consequences of the stress is really harmful.
Academic stress and social stress were really pushin my life to the edge.
Due to the stress, once my health had a very big problem.
And this problem leading me towards getter problems as the postive feedbacks.
And once i tried to end of my life bcoz wat could i saw was life is really worthless for me.
I live for the sake of study other than anything elses...

I think it's worth to get such results for me...
I'm not an excellent student, so i did double up my effort on studies compared to the others.
So i must study more in A2... Hope i can upgrade my results...
Thx to the priest and everyone in Desawan Church for all the blessing...
Thx to myself tat i'm able to overcome these shits...

30# 3 more days to regret

30# 3 more days to regret...

Dunno how the hack said tat AS results are comin out on this monday. And i din plan to sleep for the night b4 tat. Then only i found out tat the office will give us the results on next monday, idiot...

Well, next monday... so i got fri, sat, sun... 3 more days to regret. How shall i numb myself within these 3 days from think negative stuffs about my results...?
Study? ya, seriously i need to. I dunno wat the hack is happenin for phase equilibria... tat raoult's law and stuffs. Simple harmonic motion... Natural selection, evolution, growth and development... complex numbers...

Oh shit, y am i takin all 3 science subjects see as just a few ppl doing it. Seriously takin all 3 science subject is an act of suicide. We cant really concentrate on all 3, plus maths, 4. Those smart ppl already dropped one from those 3 ASAP b4 they would suffer. In PM8, the first joshua who dropped bio, followed by she fong who dropped physics, then belle dropped bio and harp dropped bio as well. And the rest of us, still being tortured by those science subjects which are really brain-killing.

The bitchest paper is physics la i tell u. The average for the sem2 paper, phy is the lowest, almost failed. Most of us scored damn cha for phy, i failed. Well, for the first time in formal paper without considering thinking kills paper.

Maths is the most convincing paper for me... I pay attetion in the class, try my best to do all the hw n assignments... then i could score in my sem2 paper. but it only happened after my AS trial. I got straight C for my AS trial, and i really hope my AS final will get a very very good result....

Get as good as possible for my AS final, pls pls pls...
As good as possible... must... must...
Then hope my A2 can push up my grades...
Must. Must...

29# Weekly pain...

29# Weekly pain...

I'm so proud today.
Today is the very first time i defeated the final boss in KOF 2003.
A fighting game la tat i play the most.
The best part was i use only 1 character from 3 and defeated the boss.
Ash Crimson, with more than a half life bar remain, da pao the boss Adel, wahaha...
So happy, first time defeated the boss, somemore with only 1 charac, with so much life left.
Once i fought, then i just left b4 the words KO came out.
Kinda cool, but i wasnt acting cool la, bcoz i was rushing for my guitar class.
And the crowd all stunned... haha... Ya man i rock.

Went play again after my guitar class...
of coz la, played for an hour, plus playin guitars at home, with my instructor some more...
My left hand is damn pain la... Damn.
This happens every Sat and Sun when i got guitar class.
Bcoz for sure i'll practice kao kao at home,
b4 the class i'll go bantai the arcade machine, and also after the class.
Then drive back home, only left hand is used to steer.
Then once get home bang gig again...
In the end... my left hand is shakin... wa... pain la.

Plannin to buy a second hand classical guitar from Harp...
Ppl say old classical gig is better than a new one.
The older it is, the better sound it gets...
bcoz of the wood apparently...
Once i have the classical gig, then i have electric, acoustic and classical...
yes la... can play all types of songs.
Scorched Earth Erotica and Cthulhu Dawn, I'll da pao u..!!
Must play these 2 nicely.
Mr Razin i think i need ur help...

28# Scorched Earth Erotica

28# Scorched Earth Erotica

My left hand's fingers are overloaded... Practiced too much of gig... I din take a nap in the evening. Instead, i took out the tabs tat i printed in the library, and practiced for hours. And practiced for an hour just now... Scorched Earth Erotica, one of the nice songs, with fast gig solos. This song is the first song tat i solo. Tat's y it takes me to long to practice, and i cant really play tat part now. In order to noe how it's really played, i watched this music video for couple of times. Though this is the scariest video, but it doesnt scare me anymore, haha... My fren James even deleted it after watching...

Songs are not easy to play, it always take a lots of patience and practice. Behind the hard works, there is the joy of combining the soul with the rhythms and the truth within the song... This stimulates my brain and the adrenaline keeps my head on…

Currently planning to write a second song in this year... about mannequin... Inspired by the movie dollmaster tat i've watched... Another way for me to express truths and learn english, be more poetic, mmm...

27# Hurt and Virtue II

27# Hurt and Virtue II

I dunno what makes a girl to be so emotional. They can just kick u off without any fuckin reason. I can stand tat, but not all the times. I noe sometimes i make problems, but somehow i've apologized for my fault in the end. I dunno my apology is accepted or not. She is still hating me. Wat causes her to be like this? I did wat i could, as long as wat i did didn't bother her. Well, i did wrong at the first place. But now, i think tat she's probably wrong. She must not do tat to me. She must not msg me with those hurting words. It's like a thorn in my flesh, this feeling is still disturbing me. I hate this. I am not the one who shud be hated bcoz of tat small problem. God...

Apparently she is not goin to read this. But i am willing to say sorry again for everything, face to face. Hope we can return to the days like before...

26# Mina... be my Mannequin...

26# Mina... be my Mannequin...

My fren wasnt free today, so i forced my sister to watch Doll Master with me... I dun feel it's scary at all, bcoz i never treat it as a horror movie. Instead, it's some kind of emotion movie for me.

Like last time, me and my frens watched The Tale of 2 sisters in the theatre. Even 1 of them almost fall asleep during watching it. But i paid 100% attention to watch tat movie. After tat , i even bought it's VCD, and watched again in Astro Showcase...

The horror feeling is nothing for me. I'm used to goth stuffs, so those flesh and blood is a kind of art for me. In the other hand, I concentrate on the storylines... The torments behind the curses of the horror stories are always pathetic. Tat's the thing i like the most.

I almost cried when i watched The Tale of 2 sisters. When the truth is revealed, i felt it's touching my heart. Bcoz once i got tat kind of paronoid. Terrorizing feelings tat made me mad as in the movie. I felt like i've just homicided those tat i hate, and kept their heads in boxes, displayed in my racks. Everything was in my dream. But once i woke up, the fear is still remain in my head for a damn period of time. Tat was bcoz at that period i was stressed, and feelings of hatreds towards ppl infesting my mind. Those 2 contributed the tention in me and caused me to have those nightmares... I understand the character in the movie who experience the mental disordered problem bcoz i felt it too. Tat's the thing tat makes me like the movie very much.

And the movie tat i've watched, Doll Master... As i predicted, it wont be scary. But somehow, i appreciate the part where the mannequin, Mina expressed Her love to Her master... Just like you are aprreciating, loving someone who doesnt ever give a shit about you. This is the point tat disappointed me the most. I understand that feeling which our love is ignored, neglected by the others. And that character, Mina is damn beautiful, enchanting... B4 i watched tat movie, i was attracted by the movie's poster. Is not tat the poster is scary, instead, is about the girl. She is so beautiful for me. And Her vision stares, with some kind of hatred... And i even drew a picture of Her, modified and titled Con Dolore, which already published in my blog... I like Her so much... in someway.

Well, i think tat art is not limited by general tastes. As long as it's well appreciated. I appreciate the ideas from them, which inspire me to draw and write. Tat's how i learn to improve myself...

25# New blood of 0501 CAL - Sigh...

25# New blood of 0501 CAL - Sigh...
Well well well... coll again. This year's new intake got plenty of new students. According to
one of my fren, around 1700 new students in this intake. Wat the hack... so many meh? Ermm... pretty easy to distinguish a new student from an old student... well, only new students will
have their new ID cards hangin on their necks, hehe... like wat we did last time.

I took the sch bus again. Damn lot of ppl la thins year. And most of them seem to be so
excited to go coll everyday, non stop talking in the bus every morning and everning. Damn it
man... cant even sleep wei... early in the morning i cant sleep at all like last time in the
bus. Instead, i need to bang my ears with my discman... Doin the same as in the evening.
And... though the noise is bangin in my mind, but just bcoz i was too tired, i was still able
to fall asleep... forget all the sound pollution produced by those juniors and have a 2hours
rest in the bus.

I'm the one who get home the lastest in the bus, just bcoz i stay the
furthest... sigh. One of my bus mate, who is the same intake as me, asked me whether i could
sleep or not. I answered i could, only with my discman! Haha... I saw her fell asleep too. Wat
to do la, damn tired... and the juniors are like dun need to rest at all. Doin all the fucking
noises all the time. God damn them... I just tolerant for these 3, 4 months la. After tat, A2
final take KTM la...

24# Ache...

24# Ache...

Today i played the arcade game for an hour plus... KOF 2003, old game, but still like to play, a lot. Used Ash Crimson, Kyo, Iori and K' sometimes.

The first time i played was damn smooth. Played til the final to fight the last boss Muki. Lost... just a lil bit.. sigh.
The second time was not tat bad too. Played til Aden, lost too... nvm. Good work dy.

Then i played again after my guitar class, went and play again...
Not tat lucky, lost all the times... Shit la. Been played for 9 times, only 2 times made to the final stages...

In the end, wat do i get is just muscle ache... my left shoulder and my back.
Pain. Too much of exercises during playing tat game...
Cant control myself from bangin the machine when i'm nervous, when i almost lose.
Besides, played too much of guitars too, contributes the pain to my left...

Pain at my left side... Tmr coll again, headache at my right side...
Sigh..

Interlude for some peach tea...

Interlude for some peach tea...



Caption my Sharon - oh... dis photo looks a bit blur... just becoz Youth asked a wrong person to take photo for us.. tut lah!!
(Fruity gets free advertisement..haha butter cookies - buy 12 free 1??)




Mike : Youth and 1 were able to show our teeth upon request. But Rachael seems like a bit sad? Was it bcoz both of us are not charming enuf? No....!




Caption by Sharon - hehe.. can see ah ming's teeth.. u see... so different from all the photos tat u took for urself... dis one look so si man.. i'm just pro... haha..

Mike : Well, i rarely smile when i take photo, and this is really previous where i showed by teeth..!! Good work Sharon...!

23# Swansong for a Raven

23# Swansong for a Raven

Sad case... Supposedly the CIE Biology book tat i borrowed must be returned to the library on 3rd Jan. Due to some error of my calculations, I got fined for RM20.20...!!

I tot the fine per day late is RM0.50, but the CIE book is diff, counted in hours man! 24 hours per day, u can imagine that... and i must return the book b4 9am of 3rd Jan, damn it man. Piece of shit... Last time i borrowed a chemistry book, late for 13 Days bcoz i din drop it at the bookdrop, put back to the bookshelf instead... C2pid... Fined for RM6.50... But this time is much more scarier, RM20.20 man!!! I can play Dota for 10 hours dy with this amount of money...

I think i dun dare to borrow any book from the red spot dy, it's really killing me.

22# We meet again...

22# We meet again...

Sharon n Rachael are back... As usual, we went to Fruity to have an afternoon tea. Mmmm...
though we never meet for half a year, everyone is still the same... Sharon is still like tat,
seldom speaks... But sometime when she talks, for sure there'll be something funny. Rachael...
sigh, still talk and laugh like crazy, non-stop... Youth, sometimes chat in msn. OK la, still
boom ppl like shit, cool man. Ning... improved, never left behind by topics! Me? i become slow
dy... sigh.

I did something great today... The waiters in the cafe shop never meet me for quite sometime
bcoz i din go there about half a year. So she just chatted to me when she took down my orders
and the bill. I paid RM12 and she gave me back RM8 something. I was so curious and asked her
to check again. I wasnt paying RM20 ma... She apologized and said tat i'm very honest. I
answered, " My SPM moral got B4 ya, jangan main..." Hehe... Honest? Of coz, I m not tat greedy la. Everything I do must be sincere and honest ma. Though moral study is just a piece of
shit...

Dunno why suddenly out topic went to my trust... oh ya... about my frens around me... most of
them are... Well, it's not something tat we could discuss about in the public. I have a
different thought about them. Not the matter of why i against them, the thing is why they lie
to us. And the more i noe about them, the more i hate about. I noe it will not be accepted by
the world, but the truth behind the book will be ignored and everything will be just buried
under the ground... Just forget bout it...

Tmr gonna go coll to return my CIE bio book. Supposedly the book must be returned to the
library on 3rd Jan, but i lazy leh... Look, the fine will be RM0.50 per day. So if i go coll
to return the book, transport fees will be more than RM7. So no point la go coll purposely to
return the book.. sigh.

Eh i got something to say bout IMU... ning2 ah... IMU's campus isnt an ex shopping centre la.
Once upon economic crisis, the shopping complex cant be made and the building mar just used
for IMU lo. It isnt a shopping centre k... I just found out from my sister...

Sorry la Youth and Rachael, i couldnt finish the spagg though u guys did. Lazy la, no mood to
eat...

21# Hurt and Virtue

21# Hurt and Virtue

I'm sorry everyone. Yesterday i was just a lil bit (sic). Out of tuned.
It was just some anger which led the tempest in me.
Now i'm fine... Chilled.
I try not to show my temper at anyone else then.
I'll keep my temper off and erase all the negative minds.
Have a nice day.

Damnation and a Day...

Damnation and a Day...

Staccato Romance by Moonlight

Staccato Romance by Moonlight

The sound of tears dripping
Behind the delicate stars
A mist of labyrinth
Covers my sight and the dusk
There is nothing inside
In the aria of dark
And I found Her in a tempest of cark

Under the midnight skies
I held my hand with Hers
The liquor of tears revealed
By the cold blue moonlight
We stared each other in this holly night
She whispered to me with Her frosted lips
My shadow could not let go everything I gripped
Herein our eyes shut, She moved closer
And took everything to one step further
The howling of the sea lulled the wind of fears
Nymph of the darkness, beatified with me...

"Dear pathetic, what can you see when you cling to me ?
Your fragrant soul enchanted my will
Passionate kiss beside the dark sentimental sea
When the moon glowed with blue fire
Harmonize my crescendo desire
We can fly together to seek a pace of symmetry"

Awaken, haunted by the poisoned dream
Another systolic illusion by the bloodletting requiem
Whispering slowly like a shadow around me
Inflicting my fragile skins with misery

I , enchanted and confused
In a sea of questions, answers lost and seduced
Tempest-tossed, slit my wrist with the punishment cherished

And I , endeavored to bury Her from mind
This scarlet spell burns with passion, divined
Consuming my black scorched pain endlessly

Waiting for the signals to cease the torment
Her voice revived everything that she burned
Forlorn mind undeceived from the words she returned
I taste my sorrow with my hollow skin
She hides, from the words She mesmerized
One hour, I cannot wait to see Her
Being one of those who could not have Her
In front of my mirror is an inferior
Seeking for a road to be together
Nothing seems to be better than nothing

"Jagged wounds taste my tears
Overcome my rued chords
Just listen to my fears
Once again before my belief rots"

She left with a mordant fog
Swallowed everything she felt within
Standing all alone in the fate of in between
I can only taste my sorrow with my hollow skin





Mike: The very first work in this year after a year of inspirations and learning.
This is the darkest , longest and the most significant words I have ever written.
I hope the message will be sent to Her and hope She is able to understand all of this.
Thank You.

20# A tempest in the empty-hearted

20# A tempest in the empty-hearted

Recently something bothers me...
I dunno myself. I dunno what am i thinking...
Too much to question to ask, but too little answers for me.
And i cant bury all the questions in my mind...
Actually there's nothing much i can worry about.
The only way to overcome is forget everything.
It's easy to say, but so hard to do. Damn...
Been being soulless for the passed 9 months.
Now at least i'm occupied with some others in my mind.
Or I'm just confused by the temporary illusions...

This isnt real, i cant make it real.
This is it...

Con Dolore

Con Dolore...

The very first work of mine in this brand new year.
Title Con Dolore is the term used in music, which stands for "pathetic"...
The right hands' nails painted black, indicates the black is right...
She bleeds only at the right side, means that the right of some particular thing is always being prejudiced.
And the naked body... reflects the natural of being a human being instead of anything else.

19# The Beginning of another phase

19# The Beginning of another phase

Well... The last day of 2004... Everybody got their own plan to celebrate. Me, I had a bbq at
my fren's place... From 4pm i went out with them to buy all the stuffs and foods we needed. I
paid first la... then i collect money from them.

Actually i'm not into chicken wings.. bcoz it's really hard to bbq, and for sure it's goin to
be burnt at the outside, still raw in the inside. But somehow i just did it la... I think i'd
bbq the chicken wing, the only one tat i bbq, or more than 30 minutes... Of coz cooked til the
inside la... Delicious, but i just ate one, ah crap...

No special tv shows, so we just on the tv and bang the VCD that i made. The MVs tat we are not
goin to see in Msia. Got one guy where, he's a christian, though i knew it, but i just played
those videos as requested by my fren. Ah... he seemed like feelin unhappy about it, so i just
change Cd after tat. My fren la, tat guy damn perverted, wanna see those porn scenes in the
videos, sigh.

I banged my gig, my frens sang... We just bantai everything in there... Get crazy... though we
werent celebrating like others in KL or PJ, but we had a good time... I think la. I also dunno
whether i enjoyed or not. When i fetched my frens back around 1240, i felt my voice like
changed. Not sore, but just changed a bit. Bcoz i'd screamed too much in there... haha. No
voice dy now...

Everyone out there, hope u all arent regret for everything u'd done in 2004, and kick off the
obstacles in 2005... Ya man.



3...2...1... Pop... HNY... ah c2pid....




SMKKY kakis... From left : Roy, KianLeong, Suren, Cienheng.
The one lying on them, Me la...