32# The rape and ruin of angels
I am pretty understand myself about my own temper. Definitely i cant stand any unacceptable scorns and comments. And what lit my temper was the shits from those we called frens. My primary sch frens. After a year and a year of gathering, all the same shits are happening again and again. For sure i'll get some fuckin critics tat drive me crazy.
I've bored with the questions tat asking y am i still remain as thin as before. Enough, fuck off bitches stop asking me tat. I cant help my physical appearance, tat's my family genetics. Those fuckin bitches will just make fun of me without considering my condition. I'm not a clown. Even a tiny clown needs self-respect. Tat's their own problem tat they liked me b4, it's not my concern. But they dun have to say tat i'm not good looking anymore. Fuck tat shit. I've never ever admit or say tat i'm good lookin, they all said tat. And now they all could just talk over all the shits tat they'd did. I was having my steak tat time, and i hope i would stab those bitches alive in front of me... close they fuckin mouths and stab the knife into their throats. Then push my fingers into their filthy eyes...
I've been livin without temper for quite sometime... and tat incident happened led my temper back again... once it's triggered, i cant stop myself from thinkin negatively... always thinkin of how shall i kill those bitches and how shall i settle the carrions after storing in my closet for couple of days. I cant help myself to overcome my mental problem. Tat's y i cant ever try to fall in love again with the others. If i found out the the person lied to me, i cant guarantee tat i wont do anything worng. I scare tat i'll stab her alive because of her fault... tat's y i separated b4 i could do so. I know tat's my problem and i must overcome it. I tot i got no such problem anymore since i focus everything of me in my CAL... but now... dunno how to say... those nightmares are back again. every evening when i was taking my nap, mostly i'll awake by a women's scream in my dreams. Same things occurs almost everytime when i have my nap... shit. This is really scaring me and i have no enough sleep after tat. God, i have enough of suffering.