35# Hell Awaits
I would never know how funny demons will be until i watched Constantine with my friends. What could i see about Hell in the movie was just as i expected. I learnt a lot thru my music and i feel that place is really awful in the moive. Even the burning fire is just exactly the same as the fire tat i see in my art of my music.
Is Hell really tat horrible? Ppl do believe that sinners will go down, saints go up. Everyone is born to be a sinner. There is various way for ppl to clean theirselves so they could escape from being tortured after their life. I'm not trying to question anything, just feel curious tat... who could actually know about what's life after death...?
For me, i would have my own theory... if one's death is because of suicide, the second before he exhales the last breathe, he could see everything he saw in his whole life in tat instant... Once he is died, the painful suicide routine would repeat everyday in the same place, same time... the person cant control himself from doin it again and again...
or he might himself in front of him who was trying to kill himself...
anyway, these are just my imaginations. If can i would not like to see what is Hell and death. i think i'm happy to live in this unfair world and society now, somehow...
19.2.05
14.2.05
34# 2005
34# 2005
Sigh... Cny is really tiring. Everyday have to rush to here and there... but everything is just at my dad's family site. I havent lepak with my frens yet. Yet. The programmes still go on...
Tat's y i hv to ffk my frens... sorry la William, Randall, Monster, Suren and guys... Everytime they called me out, for sure i was with my family's gathering... everytime. Two until 5 places to go everyday, imagine tat. Damn tired in the end of the day.
But my task is not end yet. Once i got home, i need to transfer all the photos from the camera and the camcoder to the laptop. Then recharge the devices' batteries... Sounds easy but it's really tedious... I have to handle both camera and camcoder at the same time, tat's wat called as "multi-tasking" by Jin... But somehow i seldom got caught in the camera... got la, some only, sigh.
Angpau money is not tat many this time... just enough for me to use for a month. I think it's ok la, i dun ask for too much...
This year is really evil for me. I gambled with my cousins without using real money, in the end i da pao all the points from them. I won all their points, ALL... haha. And when i cho dai di with them, i won all the times... When i be the banker, i won also... sigh. Not challenging dy...
But the best part was, when i was the banker, I made 3 blackjacks and one 21 points. I lost la.
but if i took the risk, i would got 21 points as well, haha... damn la.
it's always bad to gamble. I dun expect things which are not belong to mine. Though i go against the destiny, but sometimes i do believe it. Wat is not mine would be taken though i got it. And it is even worst to have it just for a moment... But i noe if i tried, in the end it would be mine...
Sigh... Cny is really tiring. Everyday have to rush to here and there... but everything is just at my dad's family site. I havent lepak with my frens yet. Yet. The programmes still go on...
Tat's y i hv to ffk my frens... sorry la William, Randall, Monster, Suren and guys... Everytime they called me out, for sure i was with my family's gathering... everytime. Two until 5 places to go everyday, imagine tat. Damn tired in the end of the day.
But my task is not end yet. Once i got home, i need to transfer all the photos from the camera and the camcoder to the laptop. Then recharge the devices' batteries... Sounds easy but it's really tedious... I have to handle both camera and camcoder at the same time, tat's wat called as "multi-tasking" by Jin... But somehow i seldom got caught in the camera... got la, some only, sigh.
Angpau money is not tat many this time... just enough for me to use for a month. I think it's ok la, i dun ask for too much...
This year is really evil for me. I gambled with my cousins without using real money, in the end i da pao all the points from them. I won all their points, ALL... haha. And when i cho dai di with them, i won all the times... When i be the banker, i won also... sigh. Not challenging dy...
But the best part was, when i was the banker, I made 3 blackjacks and one 21 points. I lost la.
but if i took the risk, i would got 21 points as well, haha... damn la.
it's always bad to gamble. I dun expect things which are not belong to mine. Though i go against the destiny, but sometimes i do believe it. Wat is not mine would be taken though i got it. And it is even worst to have it just for a moment... But i noe if i tried, in the end it would be mine...
6.2.05
33# Thirteen Autumns and a Widow
33# Thirteen Autumns and a Widow
After a year of guitars, apparently my hands have some changes...
My left palm is more muscular than the right, caused by the strength i need for the strings.
And today my instructor told me tat the left fingers will grow longer.
I compared. Serious shit...
My left hand's fingers are slightly longer than the right.
The most obvious one is my middle finger which used to curse.
The left one is longer than the right roughtly 0.5cm.
Oh gosh tat's a lot man...
but somehow more strength is still needed in order to play those songs tat i really like.
Not talking bout those songs which need to be played in front of my lectures,
instead are those songs which are really gothic and heavy.
Sometimes i think tat playin those heavy songs by learnin from hearing is so much more easier than playing a classical song from reading a score...
Mainly is bcoz i'd never heard it b4 so it's quite hard to play and to get the tempo.
And the main problem of playing my heavy songs is of coz...
too noisy to figure out the riffs and solos....
tat's y sometimes i would need to go to the library to get some gig tabs.
I think i've got more than 70 papers of tabs from the library...
some tabs are really trash which never help.
In the end i've still need to rely on my own hearing and feeling...
so i cant guarentee songs tat i play is correct.
but the main thing is the adrenaline is secreted and make my blood boil once my soul combines with the truths behind the songs... tat makes me high...
Drown in the sea of noise...
After a year of guitars, apparently my hands have some changes...
My left palm is more muscular than the right, caused by the strength i need for the strings.
And today my instructor told me tat the left fingers will grow longer.
I compared. Serious shit...
My left hand's fingers are slightly longer than the right.
The most obvious one is my middle finger which used to curse.
The left one is longer than the right roughtly 0.5cm.
Oh gosh tat's a lot man...
but somehow more strength is still needed in order to play those songs tat i really like.
Not talking bout those songs which need to be played in front of my lectures,
instead are those songs which are really gothic and heavy.
Sometimes i think tat playin those heavy songs by learnin from hearing is so much more easier than playing a classical song from reading a score...
Mainly is bcoz i'd never heard it b4 so it's quite hard to play and to get the tempo.
And the main problem of playing my heavy songs is of coz...
too noisy to figure out the riffs and solos....
tat's y sometimes i would need to go to the library to get some gig tabs.
I think i've got more than 70 papers of tabs from the library...
some tabs are really trash which never help.
In the end i've still need to rely on my own hearing and feeling...
so i cant guarentee songs tat i play is correct.
but the main thing is the adrenaline is secreted and make my blood boil once my soul combines with the truths behind the songs... tat makes me high...
Drown in the sea of noise...
5.2.05
32# The rape and ruin of angels
32# The rape and ruin of angels
I am pretty understand myself about my own temper. Definitely i cant stand any unacceptable scorns and comments. And what lit my temper was the shits from those we called frens. My primary sch frens. After a year and a year of gathering, all the same shits are happening again and again. For sure i'll get some fuckin critics tat drive me crazy.
I've bored with the questions tat asking y am i still remain as thin as before. Enough, fuck off bitches stop asking me tat. I cant help my physical appearance, tat's my family genetics. Those fuckin bitches will just make fun of me without considering my condition. I'm not a clown. Even a tiny clown needs self-respect. Tat's their own problem tat they liked me b4, it's not my concern. But they dun have to say tat i'm not good looking anymore. Fuck tat shit. I've never ever admit or say tat i'm good lookin, they all said tat. And now they all could just talk over all the shits tat they'd did. I was having my steak tat time, and i hope i would stab those bitches alive in front of me... close they fuckin mouths and stab the knife into their throats. Then push my fingers into their filthy eyes...
I've been livin without temper for quite sometime... and tat incident happened led my temper back again... once it's triggered, i cant stop myself from thinkin negatively... always thinkin of how shall i kill those bitches and how shall i settle the carrions after storing in my closet for couple of days. I cant help myself to overcome my mental problem. Tat's y i cant ever try to fall in love again with the others. If i found out the the person lied to me, i cant guarantee tat i wont do anything worng. I scare tat i'll stab her alive because of her fault... tat's y i separated b4 i could do so. I know tat's my problem and i must overcome it. I tot i got no such problem anymore since i focus everything of me in my CAL... but now... dunno how to say... those nightmares are back again. every evening when i was taking my nap, mostly i'll awake by a women's scream in my dreams. Same things occurs almost everytime when i have my nap... shit. This is really scaring me and i have no enough sleep after tat. God, i have enough of suffering.
I am pretty understand myself about my own temper. Definitely i cant stand any unacceptable scorns and comments. And what lit my temper was the shits from those we called frens. My primary sch frens. After a year and a year of gathering, all the same shits are happening again and again. For sure i'll get some fuckin critics tat drive me crazy.
I've bored with the questions tat asking y am i still remain as thin as before. Enough, fuck off bitches stop asking me tat. I cant help my physical appearance, tat's my family genetics. Those fuckin bitches will just make fun of me without considering my condition. I'm not a clown. Even a tiny clown needs self-respect. Tat's their own problem tat they liked me b4, it's not my concern. But they dun have to say tat i'm not good looking anymore. Fuck tat shit. I've never ever admit or say tat i'm good lookin, they all said tat. And now they all could just talk over all the shits tat they'd did. I was having my steak tat time, and i hope i would stab those bitches alive in front of me... close they fuckin mouths and stab the knife into their throats. Then push my fingers into their filthy eyes...
I've been livin without temper for quite sometime... and tat incident happened led my temper back again... once it's triggered, i cant stop myself from thinkin negatively... always thinkin of how shall i kill those bitches and how shall i settle the carrions after storing in my closet for couple of days. I cant help myself to overcome my mental problem. Tat's y i cant ever try to fall in love again with the others. If i found out the the person lied to me, i cant guarantee tat i wont do anything worng. I scare tat i'll stab her alive because of her fault... tat's y i separated b4 i could do so. I know tat's my problem and i must overcome it. I tot i got no such problem anymore since i focus everything of me in my CAL... but now... dunno how to say... those nightmares are back again. every evening when i was taking my nap, mostly i'll awake by a women's scream in my dreams. Same things occurs almost everytime when i have my nap... shit. This is really scaring me and i have no enough sleep after tat. God, i have enough of suffering.
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